"If my grandmother knew I was having gay brunch instead of going to church, she'd have my ass," Tamara said, staring down into her tea cup as if she were reading leaves.
"It's not gay brunch," Jason said. "It's brunch with gays, and besides, not everyone here is gay."
"Honey, trust me; with all the tight clothes walking around this place, this is a gay brunch."
"There are straight couples here, too. Even one over there with a baby."
"Only tight things you see at church are peoples' wallets and purses at collection time." Tamara burst out laughing at her joke. "Sorry. I'm still punchy. Where're my damn eggs, anyway? Been a half hour."
"So I have to tell you what happened last night," Jason said, "but you have to be awake for it."
Tamara took a sip of her tea. "Oh, I will be, trust me. Just give me a few more minutes."
"You'd wake up faster if you drank coffee instead of tea."
"Can't stand the taste of coffee."
"Maybe you just never had a decent cup."
"Let me taste yours, then."
Jason slid his cup over to her. She picked it up, breathed in the aroma, then took a cautious sip. Her face contorted as she put the cup down and slid it back to Jason. "Not even gay coffee tastes good."
Jason rolled his eyes.
"Anyway," Tamara said, "I'm dying to hear about your date."
Jason smiled. "I'm not sure, but I think it was a date after all."
"Oooh! Did you get...lucky?"
Jason smirked, and looked down at the table. "Sort of."
"Sort of? What? First base? Second base? Bleachers?"
"Let's just say," Jason said, tapping the edge of his bread plate, "that I went to sleep satisfied."
"Damn! Look at you blush."
He could feel his face getting warm.
"Jason got lucky," Tamara sang, loudly.
"Sh! Don't do that."
"Come on. You don't think everyone else here is comparing notes?"
Jason shook his head.
"One eye roll. One head shake. All in two minutes. New record for me."
"You are punchy in the morning, aren't you?"
Tamara crinkled her nose and batted her eyes. "You love me."
"I have to. Especially since you're treating me."
"The hell I am!"
"It's the least you can do. To congratulate me."
"I'm supposed to buy you a damn meal because you got screwed? That's like a threesome, because now I'm getting screwed!"
Tamara looked up to see the waiter standing next to her.
They were silent as he set down their plates. After he walked away, Jason choked back his laughter.
"Why in the hell does that always happen to me?"
Jason brushed away tears. "Okay. I'll treat you this time. I owe you for making me laugh so hard."
Tamara unfolded her napkin and draped it on her lap. "Glad I make someone on this planet laugh."
"I love you," Jason said.
Tamara tossed her head from side to side and squealed. "You do love me. You do love me! Jason MacAuliffe, if you weren't gay, I would take you home and show you what a real fuck-"
The waiter set down a fresh pot of tea.
Tamara kicked Jason under the table as she mouthed, "God damn it!"